There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
