So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
