who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize