I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
