I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
