Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
