i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
