go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize