I cannot find my penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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