Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
