You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize