I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
