that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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