I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
