no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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