i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
