waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
