it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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