If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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