Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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