Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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