It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
