Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
