i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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