Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
