so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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