It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
