so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want a musical about memes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
