Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
