Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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