u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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