I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
