is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
