remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
