have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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