I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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