no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
