im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize