If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
