take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
