I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
