i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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