My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she peed on how many people?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize