you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
