ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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