suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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