allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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