I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
