I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
