So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
