Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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