I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
