apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
