He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
