Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
