3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
