omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
