come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
