Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
