this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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