Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
