So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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