Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
