from now on my penis is your penis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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