Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
