I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
