im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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