Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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