We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
