i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We left an ass print on the piano.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
