My first STD was from a foam party
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
