no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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