I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize