how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
