is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
