I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize