my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
