I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
