is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
