I'm going to jail i love you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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