Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Operation Purity has been aborted
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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