I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
