White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
