New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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