I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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