I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
