Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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