ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
