I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
