her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
