she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize