yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
