i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
