I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize