yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize